It was brought to my attention some time ago (via PITA who heard all about it from the one whose name we do not say) that there is no mention of my two eldest children on my blog. The thing is, is that they are my step children and they see me as the wicked step mother and have little to do with me - and sadly their Dad and their little sibs.
I love them very much, to say that I love them as if they were my own children would be a lie. I don't. They are not my children, they have a mother. She knows them just as I know my two biological children. She held their hands and cleaned their dirty bums. She has birth stories and pregnancy stories, I do not. I do love them but is different. It is much more complicated and it is a choice.
When I was in my 20s I had my palm read several times and each time I was told I would have four or five children and on one occasion that I would "have two at the same time" which I always took to mean twins. Since I got Josh and John I have always considered them the children I got at the same time. They were six and nine (very close to 10) when I got them - which is the same age that the Little Man and Penelope are now which brings me a lot of clarity and with that, some regret. I can see where I made mistakes with them - expecting too much and demanding respect. I did not know.
Having said all of that, I have not written about them because to be honest, I am not sure what to write. It is a touchy subject. They are both introverts and I do not know them very well and have seen very little of them in the last couple of years. When I have seen them it has, lets just say, not gone well.
So, the reason this is coming up is that Josh, the oldest one who I have had the most conflict with has recently (today actually) moved in with Grandpa. I am worried. I am happy but I am worried. He can be pretty unpleasant but he can also be really sweet and funny. Will the raging hormonal teenagerness given way to the man who lies in wait. I can hope.